I am glad I am alive. I have Almighty God my creator to thank for that. However, there are desperate days when I have thoughts of suicide. The overwhelming feelings can cloud any lucidity and I often end up crying in desperation looking for a way to end these feelings of loneliness, desperation, self-hate etc. I don’t want to hurt anyone I really don’t. And I don’t act this way to manipulate, because the LordCONTINUE READING…
Paranoia is a horrible trait within mental illness. It is cruel to feel scared of people, family, and society in general, but these are the thoughts that come with Borderline. Occasionally I get the thought that a car is going to pull out a gun and shoot me, while I’m out walking, or that a random person will stab me. I get so afraid of human beings, at times. I’m afraid to look someone inCONTINUE READING…
As I said in my previous blog post, I have no official diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but I’ve watched videos of its traits and believe that I meet 8 of its 9 common traits. My doctor just thinks I have depression, but I know it is far deeper than just depression because of the way I act. Here is an example. I was at my partner’s house and had just woken up. A plumberCONTINUE READING…
I’m starting a daily diary about my mental illness, because I have no official diagnosis, but there is not enough help for people out there who are struggling. So if you are having suicidal thoughts, as I do, you self harm as a kind of self-medication and soother, and you have eratic ups and down mood swings, as I do – please know that you are not alone. I know that I am not aloneCONTINUE READING…
Do you struggle with a mental illness, and you feel alone in your thoughts. Perhaps you don’t know how to communicate to your loved ones anymore. I feel like this a lot. When I’m depressed, I’m attentive to listen but it is difficult to make eye contact. However, the last thing I would ever want anyone to say about me is “that’s not my sister, or daughter, or friend”. That’s not what we need. WeCONTINUE READING…
Mobile phones cause addictive behaviour, no doubt about it. I am on my phone for most of the day, either surfing the internet, listening to Youtube videos, or playing free games through Google Play. I know I have an unhealthy addiction to my smart phone. I’ve had to curb my 8 ball pool play to two or three games per day, instead of two or three hours. So far, it’s been two days and I’veCONTINUE READING…
What a nightmare couple of days. I’ve been going to bed early for the past week, average time 8.30pm, but the other day I had a banging headache so instead of taking painkillers I decided to have an early night instead. The only trouble is that I woke up at 11.30pm and couldn’t get back to sleep. So yesterday I was absolutely buggered, and I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming about 5pm yesterday. ICONTINUE READING…
Sometimes when the tears are flowing, I start to once again believe that these tears are not going to stop, but eventually they subside and the burden is less. I think the reason why crying is so shamed in our society is because we believe that once we start, it’s never going to stop. This just isn’t the case. Sometimes tears can last longer than some other episodes, but crying is healthy. Our tears reduceCONTINUE READING…
My doctor says that my compulsive skin picking, or dermatillomania, as its proper name, is part of the OCD family. Even though I’ve attempted to cure this disorder through many avenues, including dry fasting, iboga therapy, clinical hypnosis, prozac, sertrilline, duloxetine, visual coding displacement therapy, meditation, vitamin therapy, N’Acetyl Cysteine (NAC), tissue salts, acupuncture, I’m still plagued with this compulsive disorder every day. People tell me to just stop, but they don’t know what itCONTINUE READING…
It’s pointless visiting my doctor to talk about my mental health problems, because I’m just one of hundreds of clients that he has. Since I lost my job in 2016 due to deteriorating mental health problems, I’ve gradually worsened to the point where it is lucky if I have one or two days in a row when I’m feeling actually okay to go about life. Tearful episodes can last for hours, or the depression canCONTINUE READING…
